“I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.” Philippians 4:11
A brief article I read today helps me understand better a conversation I had a month ago with a dear friend of mine.
My friend has long admitted, in so many words, that his college degree and his work experience were his entire reason for existence. I’ll call him Ray. He was proud and very satisfied that he was the “go-to” person where he worked for all kinds of solutions needed. It was long apparent that his professionalism was key to maintaining his social stability and sense of well-being. And please don’t get me wrong. In and of itself, there isn’t anything inappropriate with this. We’ve probably all been there. But it can conceivably contribute to problems when it is out of proportion or balance, or in conflict with our overall wellbeing. It was when Ray lost his job and was forced into retirement his life literally fell apart. Clinically he deteriorated, with a newly acquired extreme fear of being outside and around other people. After two years of psychotherapy it was primarily his newfound spirituality that took him out of his darkest spaces. For this, both of us have been very thankful. Where I’m going with this is that still, after almost 5 years of retirement and a fairly comfortable financial condition, he continues to struggle; he recently mentioned to me that “I still don’t know what I’m doing out here.” I asked him how so? He said “People ask me what I’m doing, so I tell them ‘you know, I’m just doing stuff. I’m retired’. But I don’t feel like I’m doing anything fruitful or productive. I used to be that person in the workplace (the big-man-on-campus, my words) and now I’m not that person”. We talked at length about this at which point I asked him why he can’t just be himself? I said “Ray, always remember that nobody ever really loved you because you were that special workplace person. They loved you Ray because you’re ‘Ray’. Because of who you are, how God made you, and nothing else about you has to matter. And I reminded him of the adage ‘Be yourself Ray, everyone else is taken’.” He chuckled at that. “Thanks Jim, I like that”. I’m not implying that this self confidence could or should be automatic for everyone but I do think there are a number of folks out there who really haven’t yet gotten comfortable with themselves as themself; how God made them exactly as they are for a purpose. Even if we don’t see that complete person or purpose yet. God’s timing is perfect. On the big scale of things nothing else really needs to matter. We must wait on the Lord.
Which brings me to an article I read today entitled “Ozempic Melted Away Weight—and the Idea of ‘Body Positivity’”. Since I’m nowhere near a psychologist/psychiatrist, this was very enlightening! Here the author, practicing psychotherapist Jonathan Alpert, offers up insights into the conundrum individuals face when they find themselves significantly influenced by group thought which conflicts with their own true beliefs and how the fear of how others would judge their personal choice for self-care, in this case managing their body weight, can influence or even dictate the decisions they make for themselves. My own personal decision-making default is that whether someone chooses a GLP-1 to manage their concerns, be it for appearance, health reasons, both or more, should be their choice alone, free and independent of anything or anyone outside their own body-health paradigm but that apparently is not the case. And in both Ray’s case and the above example we’re talking about the human condition; how peer pressure, ego and a multitude of other influences and influencers can change the way we think and process things. The author goes on to explain how much this paradigm of peer pressure is changing for the better.
Where can we go from here? There’s no single answer that solves everything, but one approach can include considering how might we empower others to make good, dare I say better, choices about their health or how they look at themselves for themselves alone. It might involve helping the individual separate the emotional sense of self and objectively recognize outcomes which could arise from the choices they make. In some instances, we might identify both “good” and “bad” outcomes. And we can pair the emotional and objective awarenesses in a way that can satisfy both areas.
For example, there are a variety of factors which influence whether a patient will or will not take their medications. In the cases of high-blood pressure (the “silent killer”) and elevated cholesterol there are a number of confounders. Oftentimes a new diagnosis is made and the patient will say “But I don’t feel bad.” This in and of itself could influence whether the person will adhere to taking the medication. In fact, that they are asked to take a medication at all can mean they have a daily “reminder” that they are not as healthy as they thought they were and directly or indirectly affect how they look at themselves, whether they will take the drug and comply with their health providers recommendations. Add in other matters such as the number of times daily a medication has to be taken, the taste of the pill, how it makes you feel physically, the cost, etc. can influence their adherence to the prescribed regimen (which could also include other lifestyle changes such as diet and physical activity.) A totally new diagnosis, or one that may seem to be a much bigger matter than “my blood pressure” of “cholesterol” can be entirely overwhelming. All this new “stuff’ can and does cause the patient to ask him/herself “will the juice be worth the squeeze”. While it is far beyond the scope of this essay, I would say that there is value in taking an objective approach that can them make better decisions over the long term. My experience is that a frank and direct discussion comparing and contrasting their own personal values against the benefits of staying on the medication/life-style recommendations will further the conversation and the patient’s well-being over the long term. These are conversations that have to be revisited regularly to be successful. A “one and done” conversation will not be the solution. We can discuss the benefits of treatment, in many instances things the patient may not at first be aware of at all: that controlling these conditions they can expect a reduced likelihood of stroke, heart attack, kidney disease, heart failure etc. Perhaps more importantly we should have an open discussion of what is important to them in the years coming: it might be staying productively employed for the well-being of their loved ones, living long enough to see their children’s children, travel with spouse and family, keeping their physical lifestyles active, and so on. Naturally the door swings both ways in these physiosocial concerns; the objects of their emotional constructs have similar feelings for his/her well-being too. There are times when spouses, siblings and children could all help with this side of the processing. It’s complicated, right?
I think when we help folks organize the objective clinical outcomes with the things that are most important to them, they stand a better chance of being satisfied over the long term with their decisions and their emotions. Oftentimes they can benefit from the help others who help them identify a balanced set of insights that will help them make the best decision for themselves. That said, their decisions are theirs alone and to be content in the finality of them.
ADDENDUM: As it so often happens more comes before me in the days following a post. In this instance, I read todays (January 4) devotional in Alistair Begg’s “Truth for Life” publication. He underscores the full meaning of contentment. Of course, it’s the Apostle Paul’s testimony of being content in all things. “He knew what it was to be warm and fed, and he know what it was to be cold and naked. If he had derived contentment from his circumstances, his life would have been a constant roller-coaster ride, leaving him intoxicated by wonderful luxuries one minute and overwhelmed by their absence the next…..making him unable to serve Christ.”. In all things we must be content, to cease striving, and know that He is God. And never forget to love yourself for who you are, not as you hope or allowing yourself to be influenced by, how others will see you.
MOVE YOUR OWN CHEESE ! 